Asking The "Why" Question

Hello all,
I want to thank each of you that attended dad's visitation and funeral on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was truly a remarkable occasion. While we are still saddened by the loss of dad, we were overwhelmed by the response of so many people coming out to help us remember dad and the effect he had on so many.

I was honored to be able to say a few words at dad's funeral on Wednesday and I spoke a little bit on a question that dad (and all of us) asked frequently during the past six months-- why? Why did this happen? While we can't know for certain what God had in mind by allowing this cancer to strike dad, I firmly believe that God had something specific in mind. With that, I'm posting below the words that I wrote out to help guide me in what I said on Wednesday. Please keep in mind-- these are not my words. I firmly believe that God delivered this message and he's simply used me as an instrument to speak it. Thanks again for attending and for your support. Here are the words I was able to deliver on Wednesday:

You know, my Dad was like a lot of people. He had his strengths. He had his faults. We’ve been very blessed during the past few days to hear about a lot of the ways that dad touched the lives of so many others. And that’s the essence of who my dad was during his time here on earth. But I wanted to talk with you about something that he struggled with mightily. Like a lot of us, dad never fully understood why God decided to allow this cancer in his life. He would often say to me—“Buddy, I just don’t understand why this happened.” You know, there’s really nothing good that you can say to a statement like that. I knew that. Dad knew it too.

A couple of weeks ago, Dad and I had a talk and we focused on the “why” question. Like usual, I didn’t have a response, but this time, God spoke up and he used me in that conversation. I asked Dad if he knew without a doubt where he was going after he died. He told me that he did because he believed that God loved him. I opened the Bible to John 14:6 and read it aloud to dad. I asked him if that’s what he believed—that Jesus truly was the way, the truth and the life and that no one could go to the Father except through Him. Dad said he did believe that with all of his heart. And we took time to pray and Dad let God know that. I told dad that I was glad to hear that, because I wasn’t leaving that evening until I heard that directly from him.

We both felt a little better after that, but the question still remained—why did God allow this to happen? At that point, we talked about Paul and how he asked God to remove the “thorn in his flesh” on three separate occasions and each time, God replied that “my grace is sufficient for you.” I said “Dad, if God’s grace was sufficient for Paul for something so difficult—and we don’t even know what it was—don’t you think that it is sufficient for you as well? And with a confident voice, dad said that he believed that it was.

But still, Dad asked “I thought God had great plans for my life. How can He let something like this happen?” At this point, I laughed out loud and said “Dad, don’t you realize? God has been doing something great through you at every step along the way in your life. From the beginning of time, He knew exactly when you would be born, and He knows the exact moment that you will die.” I said, “Dad, I can tell you that there’s no logical way that you should have survived the difficult circumstances of your childhood.” You see, dad’s father—my grandfather—died with my dad was 8 years old. But instead of allowing dad to wither on the vine, God led dad at every turn in his life—even when dad didn’t really know the Lord. He placed great influences in his life when he was a child. He allowed dad to graduate from high school and to move to Raleigh. He allowed dad to attend what is now Wake Tech to obtain a degree. He provided dad with a job. He led dad to meet my mom. He allowed them to have two children. He allowed dad to become a friend, a leader, a coach, a second father to many and someone that made everyone else feel better when he was around. He allowed dad to become a grandfather – and not just to my two children, but to my cousin’s children too. You see, God knew the plans that He had for dad at every turn. God’s grace was sufficient for dad from the very beginning of his life all the way up to the end. He used dad to influence so many people that I’d be willing to bet that each one of us has our own “Norm Story.”

So, when the cancer struck, we were all confused, hurt and angry. But God still knew what He was doing. He wanted to use dad in one more way. He wanted to show each of us how God loves us. He allowed a strong man and a strong Christian to be struck with an awful disease. But He allowed dad to stay hopeful and positive throughout. He allowed dad to maintain his concern for others above his own situation. He allowed dad to maintain—and even strengthen—his faith during difficult circumstances.

God told a story these past 6 months. I know, because He allowed me to write it. I’ve had my own struggles with God during the past 6 months, but God never abandoned me. He used my dad to help me understand that His grace is sufficient—for me. I know the Lord now—He walked with me through the valley of the shadow of death. And that’s the ultimate answer to the question—why did God allow this to happen? He allowed it to teach all of us about His love and His grace. I thank you for walking with us during the past several months. It has meant more than you will ever, truly know.

The MRI and the Phone Call

Hello friends. By now, many of you may be aware of this news, but in case you were not aware, we've had a day with less than stellar news. The day began with dad's scheduled visit to Rex to have an MRI performed. It's been 3 weeks since he wrapped up radiation & chemo and Dr. O wanted to see how things were progressing. The procedure went off without any problems. However, later in the morning, Dr. O called my sister to let her know that 1) the radiation appears to have had no effect on the existing spots on dad's brain, and 2) there appear to be new spots that have developed. Needless to say, this is not what we were hoping or praying for.

Cassie drove out to meet up with mom and dad (dad had a PT appointment in Clayton after the visit to Rex) and shared with them the results of the MRI. I headed over from work to meet up with them. We had a nice family lunch at Chick-fil-a and then went back over to mom and dad's house to talk. Dad did most of the talking-- he let us know that he's not going to give up and that he's definitely not going to be pessimistic about anything, but he also let us know that God is in control and that when God decides it is time, it will be time and he's OK with that. I'm sure most of you know that dad is quite strong in his faith in God. As a son, it is quietly comforting to hear him say that last part; it's kind of like he's still teaching me one more lesson and I'm very much willing to be the student.

We all shed a number of tears this afternoon and I guess that's to be expected, but at the end of it, dad told us that he "was tired of sitting around and he doesn't plan to just sit around doing nothing." So, mom, dad and I got out and drove around for a while. Eventually, we ended up at their church-- Aversboro Road Baptist-- and we decided to go inside. The only other person there was a member of the cleaning crew, but it didn't matter. This was the first time dad has been able to go inside the church since before he was in the hospital back in December. We walked the hallways and ultimately made our way to the sanctuary. Mom turned on the lights and we all walked down front and just sat on the front row. The quite of the sanctuary was interrupted only by the chiming of the bells and I really couldn't have imagined being anywhere else at that time.

Dad wanted to go out to O'Charley's for dinner and my Aunt Betty joined us. We had a nice time, but dad was starting to get run down from the day, so after dinner, we headed back home. Dad wanted to sit by the fireplace and enjoy the warmth of the gas logs. His final words to me tonight were that he was going to be and that he planned on getting up tomorrow because tomorrow is going to be a "fresh start; a brand new day."

So, that's where we are tonight. As always, we covet your prayers. Specifically, we ask for the following:
1. pray for comfort and strength for dad, my mom and all of us
2. ask God to heal dad if that is within His will

In addition to the prayer requests, I have to additional requests:
1. I know that a few of you have sent cards and/or photos. If you haven't had the chance to, please send mom and dad a card and a photo of yourself to let them know that you are standing with them.
2. If you have a mother or a father-- hug them and tell them that you love them. If you have a son or a daughter-- hug them and tell them that you love them. If you have a grandson or a granddaughter-- hug them and tell them that you love them. If you have a brother or sister, an aunt or an uncle-- hug them and tell them that you love them. If you do those things, it will quite possibly one of the most important things you will ever do in your life.

Much love,
The Parks Family

The Situation Thus Far

Up front disclaimer-- this will be a longer post as I'm going to try to summarize what has happened during the past 48 hours. Future posts to this blog will be a little more brief to provide a quick status as things change.

As many of you are aware, my dad-- Norman Parks-- was in Long Beach, Calif. (just south of LA) on a business trip for the bi-annual American Society of Plumbing Engineers (ASPE) convention. Dad is a member of the executive board and a longtime active member of ASPE. He arrived in LB this past Wednesday for a series of executive committee meetings prior to the start of the convention. While he was out a dinner on Friday evening, he got up to go to the bathroom and while in there, he collapsed. He was quickly rushed to a nearby hospital where ER staff determined he had experienced a seizure. The doctors worked to get him stabilized and then performed a CAT scan to determine what was going on. It was at that point that the doctors discovered the presence of two lesions on his brain. The lesions were leaking blood onto his brain, which is likely what led to the seizure. Doctors started him on a round of medicines designed to relieve the pressure around his brain and also put him under heavy sedation to help keep him stable. All of this happened between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. eastern on Friday night/Saturday morning.

My mom was the first to get the call from some very good ASPE friends of dad's. She in turn contacted my sister and me. Needless to say, all of this came as a shock to everyone and we are still struggling to come to grips with what has happened. As of tonight, my mom, my sister, my sister's husband and my Aunt Betty are all in Long Beach to be here with my dad.

We've spent a good portion of the day today with my dad in his ICU room at St. Mary's Hospital in LB. He's shown some good signs of progress. The medical team has been reducing the amount of sedative he's been receiving in order to begin to wean him off of it. As a result, he's had a few periods of alertness where he was able to open his eyes and respond to our questions by nodding his head. Unfortunately, he's quite a bit of a fighter to the point that he wants to flail about and try to pull out his breathing tube so he's having to be restrained. We found out late today that the doctors are planning to take out the breathing tube in the morning to see if he can sustain oxygen levels on his own. If he can do that, they will keep the breathing tube out and he will be able to move on to the next step which is an MRI. As one of the doctors put it to us today, the MRI will be like a Hi-def image of his brain so they can get a good look at the lesions. They believe that the lesions are metastasized, which essentially means that they travelled to the brain from somewhere else in the body. Once they know more about whether or not this is the case, they will know more about potential treatment options.

Here's a quick note about the background of dad's cancer history. About 3 1/2 years ago, dad had a mole removed from his back and there were some concerns that there might be skin cancer present. So, he had it checked out. It turned out to be melanoma and he had several lymph nodes removed from under his left arm. Those showed a low occurrence of melanoma. At that time, the doctor felt positive that he had successfully resolved the issue and all was well. Then in 2007, he had an occurrence of prostate cancer and as a result, had his prostate removed. Lastly, a few months ago, he had a follow-up visit to check in on his melanoma and the PET scan turned up something suspicious. Further investigation showed that the melanoma had resurfaced, this time under his right arm. So, he went back over to UNC-CH to have more lymph nodes removed (26 in all) and only two of those turned up signs of cancer, and those were at stage 3, which is a good situation to be in. So, we thought that all had looked good and he was on the road to recovery. He was to begin a round of treatments that would take a year and were designed to make sure that all of the cancer was eradicated from his body. Those treatments were to begin after he returned from this trip to Long Beach.

So, here we are in a place that we did not think we would be in just a few days ago and my dad is just down the street in a hospital and fighting for his life. Plainly put-- this stinks. However, as many of you know, our faith in God is strong. We don't know what His plan is for my dad and in this situation, but we know that He is in control and ultimately, He will use this for His glory.

Many of you have asked what you can do to help. At this point, there is one thing that will help above all others-- prayer. I don't know where you are in your faith, but we need as much prayer as possible.

Thank you for your love and support. It means more than you will ever know.